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Today
I changed the habit of a lifetime. I’ve always been a
briefs man but driving in the car this afternoon the area round
my bollocks got so hot I wanted to rip my pants right off and
drive the rest of the miles ahead naked. To do so, of
course, could well have landed me in front of the local
magistrate with some awkward explaining to do so I suffered in
silence. Instead on the way home I called into the shops
and picked up a couple of pairs of boxer shorts. Pierre Cardin -
how designer can you get ? (Hang on while I take my tongue
out of my cheek.)
I’ll take my tongue out of my cheek but I’ll not take my
left hand out of my new boxers while I type. Plenty of
room down here compared to my usual briefs and I’m developing
quite a nice boner. Feels good. I’m busy typing with the
right hand and playing with the left.
So what are the merits of the humble underpants in the case of
Briefs V Boxers ?
In this case your honor I appear for the briefs and my Learned
Friend, Nigel, appears for the boxers.
The case of the briefs is simple. Briefs form the
established male tradition in this country and have served us
well ever since the demise of the long-johns. Balls, and
their ever-present friend the noble dick, have long been secure
within the fabric of the briefs. The design of the brief
allows for a firm hold and no accidental falling out while
forming a man’s tackle into a satisfying bulge at the front of
his trousers. The bum cheeks are kept pinned together so
aiding the ever desired development of a cute arse. With that
your honor I rest my case.
If it pleases your honor I appear for the case of the boxers.
My case is also simple. I have been a life-long briefs man
but can inform this court that from today I am changing my
allegiance to boxers. It is my submission that the boxers
provide a better breathing space for the dick and balls to move
and more importantly to grow. Although my theory can not
yet be put to the test I would suggest that if, we as a nation,
were to change to wearing boxers we may find our dicks become
larger. With no tight cloth to bind them not only has the
dick a better chance to grow and expand but also the balls have
more room to fall and hang lower.
I can only say that I wish I had discovered boxers earlier in my
life and as a result I would perhaps have a bigger dick.
If ever a survey could be undertaken I would put it to you that
the larger dicks will be found within boxers and the smaller
inside briefs.
Gentlemen of the jury you have now heard the evidence from the
two learned counsel and I must ask you to adjourn to reach a
verdict.
So what do you think ?
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